What is love?

I'm ready, oh-so-ready for Love. People tell me "you can't look for it, it finds you," but still I search all the same. When love is here, all is well in my life - I wake up each day looking forward to living, impatient to 'get on with it'. But when love is away, when love doesn't touch my life, I find each day unbearable. A lack of motivation weighs down everything I have the potential to do; life becomes boring, and I sleepwalk through life, no real emotions touching me.....I need sleep


Maybe I'll finish this later, or maybe not

Travelling

We're going home today, Flagstaff to Los Angeles

It's only a 9-10 hour drive...*cry*


At least I've got my mountain dew...and cookies....and camus, I guess. (went to b&n yesterday with some money)........wow I'm out of it...okay bye

Am I thankful?

I guess...but really, I'm not.

well, I am...but...shite, come on!

Lack of focus, noticed in retrospect

I've basically procrastinated this whole weekend on my homework. I received an extension for the longest and most difficult bio lab of the year, so it's due tomorrow; I have yet to start. Tomorrow, I also have a bio test on genetics, a quiz in ap world history on post-classical china, and an AP Stats take-home test is due for me, as well.

It's very frustrating when you want to succeed, but can't make yourself focus, work and stay committed to one thing for more than five minutes.

A toast, to all you who can!



With Kings' Kisses,
William

The Beginning of a very Wonderful Nightmare

I open my eyes and then I look all around me.

I take in nothing, but I breathe out everything.

Late night conversations lead to strange happenings.

Your honest opinion, please

Is it strange that I come up with all of my darkest, deepest and most pessimistic ideas while sitting in church, listening to sermons and testimonies of faith?

Note to self

If I ever fall in love again,
slap me and wake me up

I'm a little bored with the world, and I'm severely disappointed in people, the world and life. I'm not sure why, exactly, but I'm willing to find out. I'm currently reading 'run with the hunted', a sort of compilation of autobiographical poems, novel excerpts and short stories written by bukowski and arranged in chronological order (the order in which they took place in his life). I find it very very attractive...

So I spent about an entire hour cleaning out the dashboard and center console of my car, getting all of the gelled, evaporated soda out of the cracks and crevices. (The drink holders were so full of goo that anything dropped in would not come out clean, if at all). And then about half an hour washing the actual thing....

New Arrivals

I picked my car up today. I've been unable to be alone for the past two months - I look forward to my daily dose of concentrated vitamin Me.

In other news, my psychiatrist bumped my adderall up again, and switched to the immediate release two or three times daily from the extended release plus one immediate release when I got home. We'll see how this works.

Saturdays are lazy days for me. Sundays are the most beautiful. I wonder if every day is as beautiful as these sundays are, only I'm not there to see it? School seems to keep me away.

I'm considering submitting a one-act to the playwright's festival...if I haven't already missed the deadline.

Good luck, kids - it only gets harder from here.

Friday Morning, Sometime

Let's see what kind of day today is going to be. ":D

Conversations with God

I talk to my ex girlfriend on occasion; usually she has a problem and/or needs advice from another "christian", and it helps that we dated for two or so years.

She has these down periods, coupled with these extremely optimistic, happy-go-lucky stretches....bipolar?...anyway...I'm usually the pessimist of the conversation...


It's kind of back to where it came from

Box of Secrets

Alpha...?

So hello. I'm will...and I have too much to say.

I have two blogs now: this one's for more of a traditional daily-or-something-near-it journal, and the other is my box of secrets. It's the place I keep all my thoughts and feelings and ideas and songs and love letters. I decided to make this to

• a) keep myself orderly
• b) come to a greater understanding of why I am what I am and
• c) give context to that box of chaos.

Well, now that that's completed....

I am failing high school - take that in all possible meanings of the word (grades, social life, people, girls, love, fashion, state of mind?). My mother's in contact with all of my teachers, and thus is monitoring all of my classes and associated grades. I'm beginning to hate people in general, not because they're all that bad, but because they get on my nerves easily and are difficult to deal with/keep track of.

I might have a problem with girls...It seems that either no one is attracted to me in any way or that I can't stay in a relationship for longer than a month. I'm a strange person, and I need someone who can put up with this thing I call myself. Listening to Broken Social Scene - bought two albums last night (Also, Stars, Destroyer, and something else I don't quite recall)

My friendships and relationship and all those other ships vanish when I turn my back. They fall apart, people lose interest...once the intrigue is gone, there's nothing left staying up for.


This post is quickly degenerating into a random collection of thoughts, strung together in a rather obscene manner, at that. So I bid you adieu, friend.


Sleep Tight

(My dreams are all too vivid, nightmare or otherwise)